Doc Barbara redresses the balance

   Doc Barbara embraces the globe metaphorically speaking but she also feels strongly about her local connections. This can prove difficult when living in Monmouthshire which is on the borders of England and Wales but, as her devoted followers know, she loves a new challenge. Whenever in London she stands erect before an iconic monument such as Nelson's Column and sings the Welsh National Anthem: Mae hen wlad fy nhadau ..." loudly and clearly to the astonishment of passers-by. We do not claim that she has perfect pitch but, if she cannot do bel canto, she can belto.

   Last week she visited Cardiff Bay to perform her vital mission in reverse by singing Rule Britannia outside the Millennium Centre:

   All those who heard were visibly impressed as could be seen from their increased speed of march as they adapted to her rhythms. The sole flaw in the whole experience occurred when she waited several hours for a bus home beneath this canopy before realising that it was not a terminus but the Welsh National assembly.

Important Clue to Frog Absence?

   Although Doc Barbara has entrusted the mystery of her pond's vanished frogs to the W.U.G., she continues to keep a keen and relentless eye open for solutions, since her curiosity never diminishes. When, on one of her many fearless expeditions to a neighbouring town, she observed this man, she became instantly suspicious.

    He seemed to her to have climbed a pedestal bearing a Drone with the specific intention of spying on local waters to detect the presence of amphibians. She toyed with the notion of reporting the matter to the police but decided instead to give The Monmouthshire Mouthpiece the full inside story in the hope that members of the public would assist in the search for the perpetrator of the injury to alpha male Froggie. Where would we be without her exploits to excite the fervour of our readers?
("In a lot more newsagents!" - The Brynbuga Beagle.

Further Information on Lack of Frogs

   For two years, Doc Barbara has been concerned about the disappearance of frogs from her pond and even went so far as to hire a male model pin-up to encourage erotic amphibian activity. As you can see from this photo of a frogless pool, she has been unsuccessful, though the goldfish at the back looks suspiciously fat and well fed after a long winter.

   However, some progress has been made in tracking down the cause of the problem and a sighting of our alpha individual with his leg bandaged, obviously by an adoring female, has suggested to our heroine that he could be indisposed for a while. How the injury was caused remains cloaked in mystery but members of the local W.U.G. (Women's Undomesticated Group), long famed for their detective abilities, have offered to investigate. Meanwhile all we wish is that Froggie gets back on his feet and performs with zeal and gusto.

Doc Barbara calms election fever

   We are all keen to follow the election preliminaries but Doc Barbara, determined as always to uphold her civic duties, is  resolved on adding her bit. Aware that politicians might be travelling around the country stirring up apathy whilst voters agonise over their choice, she has manufactured a machine that will deduce the personality of anyone using it and advise them on which way to cast their vote.

   She will  park herself, her machine and her assistant in Trafalgar Square and will accost passers by at random. Her helper was carefully selected so that he does not resemble any of the leaders but, now that he is in place, Doc Barbara fears that he has a look of them all when viewed from different angles.

Proof positive of Doc Barbara's knitting preparations

   Readers of this paper : "The Monmouthshire Mouthpiece" will be aware of the (sometimes) amicable rivalry between us and our sister rag: "The Brynbuga Beagle." This warfare ranges from the jocular to the jugular and is at its most hostile over the topic of Doc Barbara, the dastardly "Beagle" claiming that no editor should concern him/herself with the doings of this unusual person for whom they have many and varied insults.  At times they go as far as to insinuate that her exploits are fiction, a charge that we repudiate vehemently.

  In particular, they have queried her project of knitting all the characters in British history just as the Welsh grandmother, Denise Salway, has done with personalities from Wolf Hall. Below is a photograph of our heroine with the multicoloured wool she has bought for her endeavour and we have every intention of keeping you informed as she stitches her way through the centuries.

Google instructs Doc Barbara

   When logging in to her new Chromebook this morning, Doc Barbara learned that today is International Day of Happiness. Always one to add a little uplift to everyone's joy she intends to go out into her native town and dance through the streets chanting: "Singin' in the rain." The optimum time for this will be during the eclipse when spirits might troubled and so we may not be able to provide photographs of this remarkable double event. Despite her willingness to conform, Doc Barbara does wonder if, in some parts of the world, others will feel in the mood.

Doc Barbara looks to the skies

   Followers of our regular Doc Barbara column in The Monmouthshire Mouthpiece - and they are both numerous and devoted - will know that she endeavours to uphold time-honoured British values in her daily life: courage, enterprise, stiff upper lip and regular tooth-flossing (although she finds the last two difficult to achieve simultaneously). Yet she is also keen to keep abreast of the latest technology and has recently purchased a Chromebook, attracted to the idea that is does not carry viruses, since she is apt to suffer from a sore throat come the winter.

   Learning that material is stored on a cloud, she felt that this device is ideal for normal weather in her native land but this morning, on waking to the clear sky pictured above, she worried that the record of her exploits would be lost. A friendly local builder offered to have a look for her and reassured her that all is well, but our gallant lady continues to be anxious and will only rest content when normal gloom is restored. "Put on your new coat," advised one of her admirers, "every silver lining has a cloud."