Sunday, 29 March 2015

Doc Barbara calms election fever

   We are all keen to follow the election preliminaries but Doc Barbara, determined as always to uphold her civic duties, is  resolved on adding her bit. Aware that politicians might be travelling around the country stirring up apathy whilst voters agonise over their choice, she has manufactured a machine that will deduce the personality of anyone using it and advise them on which way to cast their vote.

   She will  park herself, her machine and her assistant in Trafalgar Square and will accost passers by at random. Her helper was carefully selected so that he does not resemble any of the leaders but, now that he is in place, Doc Barbara fears that he has a look of them all when viewed from different angles.

Thursday, 26 March 2015

Proof positive of Doc Barbara's knitting preparations

   Readers of this paper : "The Monmouthshire Mouthpiece" will be aware of the (sometimes) amicable rivalry between us and our sister rag: "The Brynbuga Beagle." This warfare ranges from the jocular to the jugular and is at its most hostile over the topic of Doc Barbara, the dastardly "Beagle" claiming that no editor should concern him/herself with the doings of this unusual person for whom they have many and varied insults.  At times they go as far as to insinuate that her exploits are fiction, a charge that we repudiate vehemently.

  In particular, they have queried her project of knitting all the characters in British history just as the Welsh grandmother, Denise Salway, has done with personalities from Wolf Hall. Below is a photograph of our heroine with the multicoloured wool she has bought for her endeavour and we have every intention of keeping you informed as she stitches her way through the centuries.

Friday, 20 March 2015

Google instructs Doc Barbara

   When logging in to her new Chromebook this morning, Doc Barbara learned that today is International Day of Happiness. Always one to add a little uplift to everyone's joy she intends to go out into her native town and dance through the streets chanting: "Singin' in the rain." The optimum time for this will be during the eclipse when spirits might troubled and so we may not be able to provide photographs of this remarkable double event. Despite her willingness to conform, Doc Barbara does wonder if, in some parts of the world, others will feel in the mood.

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Doc Barbara looks to the skies

   Followers of our regular Doc Barbara column in The Monmouthshire Mouthpiece - and they are both numerous and devoted - will know that she endeavours to uphold time-honoured British values in her daily life: courage, enterprise, stiff upper lip and regular tooth-flossing (although she finds the last two difficult to achieve simultaneously). Yet she is also keen to keep abreast of the latest technology and has recently purchased a Chromebook, attracted to the idea that is does not carry viruses, since she is apt to suffer from a sore throat come the winter.

   Learning that material is stored on a cloud, she felt that this device is ideal for normal weather in her native land but this morning, on waking to the clear sky pictured above, she worried that the record of her exploits would be lost. A friendly local builder offered to have a look for her and reassured her that all is well, but our gallant lady continues to be anxious and will only rest content when normal gloom is restored. "Put on your new coat," advised one of her admirers, "every silver lining has a cloud."

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Doc Barbara is needled

   Many of her loyal followers will have noticed that Doc Barbara's exploits have been suspended recently. This is because she was engaged in painting "Paradise Lost" but, now that this epic venture is complete, she has a new enterprise. Having read of the success of Welsh grandmother, Denise Salway, in knitting dolls portraying characters in Wolf Hall she has decided to emulate her and produce figures from all British history. Having bought knitting needles in all sizes and several tons of top quality wool, she is ready to start. Tonight her daughter will teach her how to cast on.