PHENOMENAL SUCCESS IN WORM TRAINING PROGRAMME

   Here we have a clear view of the advanced worm training patch after the incredible results of the first stage of teaching worms to pull fallen leaves into the soil by their stalks to make the ground more fertile. Despite the recent inclement weather, which deterred neither Doc Barbara nor her specially selected worms, all leaves were removed from both grassy and non-grassy areas. Visible in the rear is the stone construction from which the leader worm shouted instructions and encouragement to exhort his followers in their time-honoured occupation. Keen gardeners who would like advice on methodology should leave their questions: Doc Barbara will respond as soon as time permits as she expects an unprecedented rush of queries. This newspaper is proud to promote such a patriotic and worthwhile enterprise in the true historic spirit of British scientific experimentation.

DOC BARBARA'S WORM TRAINING PROGRAMME

   When Doc Barbara was at junior school, she learned that earthworms fertilise the soil by coming to the surface, finding the stem of a leaf and pulling it down, thus forming a neat spiral with organic matter for enrichment. However, she has recently noticed that the leaves are remaining where they fall and, with her advanced powers of ratiocination, she concluded that modern worms need extra training to do this. 

  Here is an exclusive photograph of the patch ready for preparation for senior worms, the cadets having started out on easier terrain. With exemplary thoroughness, she intends to point every leaf downwards with the stalk in the soil to show the technique and she hopes that parent worms will pass on this knowledge to their offspring. She also wishes that all gardeners would copy her example and train the new generation. It will ultimately be for the benefit of all mankind.