Saturday, 21 May 2016

Doc Barbara on the Lancashire slug



Doc Barbara

                                                     Through Wigan runs a great divide:
                                                     The slugs down on the Southern side
                                                     Are subject (as indeed are we)
                                                     To unrequited misery 
                                                     If they can't find a loving mate.
                                                     In this pathetic, lonely state
                                                     The slug is low in self-esteem
                                                     And takes the single life to mean
                                                     It has no charm, no winning grace
                                                     No wit, charisma, no real place
                                                     Within another's heart. And yet
                                                     Above that latitude, slugs get
                                                     Erotic satisfaction, joy.

                                                    A slug is born both girl and boy:
                                                    So sturdy Northern common sense
                                                    Finds in self-love, true recompense.
                                                    It reasons thus: hermaphrodites
                                                    Need never suffer from the blights
                                                    Of jealousy, rejection, scorn.
                                                    It's foolish to remain lovelorn:
                                                    There's someone here who thinks I'm great,
                                                    Who will, always, reciprocate
                                                    My passion.  Life will be complete
                                                    If only we can make ends meet.

This poetic perception (so mellifluously expressed in our opinion) has given its author cause for soul searching as the inspiration of the Muse led to approval of slug sexuality in all its forms whereas she had been trying to moderate it. Our heroine will ponder further.

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