Saturday, 25 July 2015

Doc Barbara has sartorial difficulties

   Doc Barbara likes to present a decent and plausible appearance in order to draw support for her many good causes but she has a tough time with her clothes. Her arms are shortening with age and her legs are the wrong length - indeed she sometimes wonders if they are the same length. Also her garments have magnetic appeal for items of food: blobs of melted chocolate (she is partial to crumbly truffles) or brightly coloured chutney frequently appear on her blouses to the dismay of all.

  Recently, her daughter cooked a delicious family dinner of roasted lamb chops with tomatoes and potatoes but, when being served, one of the chops flew off the tray and commenced a trajectory towards the other guests. Quick as the proverbial brown fox lauded in typing training, Doc Barbara interposed herself between the meat and its recipient, causing the lamb to land centrally on her tummy and thighs, leaving translucent greasy patches.

   Nothing daunted, she rushed to the bathroom, applied a handy bar of patented stain-removal soap and, muttering: "Out dratted spot" (as Doc Barbara never swears) successfully obliterated the marks, despite the fact that they now resembled a map of the United Kingdom and she is a devoted patriot. We fear we have no photographs as our trainee cameraman arrived too late and could not take a picture of something that had vanished.

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