Doc Barbara's Sensational Disappearance

   We at The Monmouthshire Mouthpiece are deeply concerned to learn that Doc Barbara has not been sighted recently, so much so that we actually sent our cub reporter to investigate, since there was no-one else available. In one of his rare episodes of efficiency, he tracked her last known movements to Bath Spa and forwarded these photos: the collage shows her arrival in the famous and elegant Pump Room where all is quiet (bottom right) until one guest (top photo) notices her arrival and alerts the orchestra who begin to play: "Hail the conquering hero comes" - note the modern tendency to de-genderisation.

   Doc Barbara then consumed all the items on the three-tier stand (she has admitted to a tendency to gluttony) holding out her little finger in genteel fashion as she drank her tea since she had already practised the appropriate aristocratic behaviour for her meeting with Prince Charles.

   

   After that, looking noticeably plumper, she went to visit the famous Roman baths where she was seen preparing to immerse herself in the atmosphere for a fuller experience.

   This is the last our cub reporter saw of her and we are now sending him on a training course entitled; "When is it acceptable for a peacetime photographer to intervene."

Editor's note: It was only when we came to filling out the application form that he revealed his first name. Until now we have always called him by his surname, Mr Twaddle, unaccountably pronounced with a short "a" as in "cat", but now we can more happily refer to him as Bob.

Prince Charles meets Doc Barbara

   Doc Barbara asked to meet Prince Charles who, as we all know, made a recent triumphant appearance on television as a weather forecaster. After she had witnessed his charismatic professionalism, she challenged him to a biscuit-dunking competition as a sequel. Both would be equipped with their own personal mugs filled with Doc Barbara's favourite Earl Grey: he would immerse a Duchy of Cornwall biscuit therein and she her Rich Tea (each in his/her own mug, of course.) An impartial judge with a stop-watch would measure which lasted the longer without disintegrating (the biscuits not the contestants.)

   As Prince of Wales, he declared himself honoured to accept and visit idyllic Monmouthshire, birthplace of Henry V, for this historic occasion. However, they both became so involved in animated discussions about frogs (see below) that they ate their entire packets in one go without dunking. "Oh dear!" said HRH wistfully, "Mummy may be disappointed that I have been naughty and consumed the main treat for her Jubilee tea, but I have so enjoyed my Royal Self this afternoon." The contest was declared a draw and a further one arranged for an indefinite date in the future.

Editor's note. Well, that really takes the biscuit!